Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
A bitchslap is in order.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
