what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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