Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I am mentally ready for anal.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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