i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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