and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
