Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
