guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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