Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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