There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
