What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
