We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
