WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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