Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just had sex on a roof
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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