how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
