guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
