you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
