Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
