Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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