Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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