Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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