honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
