have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
