also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
