I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
