Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
