He is an equal opportunity slut.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
