my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
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