Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
