I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Randomize
