She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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