Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
