The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
