I skipped work to stalk him.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
