I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
