dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
operation have a gay friend backfired
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
