It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
