she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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