its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
