is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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