Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Screwed.edu
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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