Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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