All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
