I didn't shave. On purpose
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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