So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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