I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
