ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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