so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
