in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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