I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
