ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
