I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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