Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
