you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
