JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
