he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
