bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
