It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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